This isn’t the most pleasant thing to think about, but taking the time to designate a “Health Care Proxy” for your care if you should need it is an important thing to do. A Health Care Proxy, like a Power of Attorney, appoints someone to make decisions on your behalf if you become incapacitated. The difference is that, while a Power of Attorney authorizes someone to make business decisions, the Health Care Proxy names the person who will make medical decisions. These responsibilities can, but need not be, given to the same person.
Many of the same considerations apply to both documents. A spouse is the obvious candidate for each; however, an alternate should be named in case the spouse is predeceased or unable to serve. Depending on whether there are adult or minor children, the alternate may have to be a trusted relative or advisor.
There is much more emotion involved in performing the Health Care Proxy role, since the “agent” makes end-of-life medical decisions. The person who executes a Health Care Proxy must make his/her wishes clear.
Another consideration, where only one of several children is given this authority, is whether that child is emotionally prepared to carry out your wishes. Moreover, that child may feel burdened by the responsibility, or may sense resentment from siblings who feel left out of the decision-making process.
One option may be to give one child decision-making authority “after consultation with” other children. As long as everyone is on the same page ahead of time, the child who is given the responsibility of making end-of-life decisions for a parent can feel supported by his/her siblings, and the other siblings will not feel excluded.
It is cumbersome to have two or more children share authority under a Health Care Proxy, especially when decisions must be made quickly, or when one child cannot be reached promptly.
My best advice regarding this difficult decision is to explain your wishes clearly and well in advance. Make copies of your Health Care Proxy available to your family members and your primary care physician.
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